


Look After You

by stylinzarrysexualxo



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Harry, Depression, Fluff and Angst, Forced Pregnancy, Louis is a protective little ball of love, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mpreg, Mutual Pining, Oral Sex, Quiet Harry, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Rimming, Sad Harry, Submissive Harry, Top Louis, Trauma, Where We Are Tour
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-13
Updated: 2015-06-11
Packaged: 2018-03-22 16:36:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3735988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stylinzarrysexualxo/pseuds/stylinzarrysexualxo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis has always loved Harry. Platonically. Or so he thought. He finally realizes his true feelings for the curly haired boy when something horrible happens to Harry at a party he attended alone. When Harry comes home changed, Louis devotes himself to Harry’s healing process, determined to restore him to the bright, smiling, silly boy he once was. In the process of this, he delays his admission of feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was basically a random story because I felt like I wrote too much Zarry. xD

If you were to ask Louis how he felt about Harry Styles right now, he would say that he didn't know. Mostly because he couldn't outright admit it to himself. Usually the answer would have been "He's a good lad." or "He's a great best mate." but as of right now, he was mostly in denial of the fact that there was a potential for more. He wasn't actually sure he really understood his feelings in the first place. It had been such a quick transition, from friendliness to something else. Something that made his skin burn.

He and Niall were in the middle of a rousing game of FIFA, which Niall was winning, mostly because he was distracted. He was confident it was the only reason Niall was winning. 

Zayn was barricaded in his room. Probably doing something broody or artistic seeing as how that was the only time he locked himself away and Liam was out with Sophia. Harry of course was gone too. He'd left for some party hours ago and for some reason it'd bothered Louis that the boy didn't want to spend time alone for once. Maybe it was because of his company.

It wasn't that Louis hated Nick Grimshaw. He didn't. At least he would never openly admit it. It was just that Nick was an arrogant son of a bitch who flaunted his sexuality and the fact that he was out while Louis wasn't. Of course Nick knew Louis was bent. He'd taken many shots at it and after his battle with Tom on Twitter, it was kind of obvious to anyone who knew what they were looking for anyway.

By this time, he'd been given free reign on his dating life at least. He'd been able to stage an amicable break up with Eleanor and give the impression that they were still friends so it wasn't too obvious why he didn't want to be with the girl anymore. Its pretty clear management had their shit sorted when they planned that out. Louis had to give them props for that. A successful break up for a vague reason when half the fans have their own theories is not easy.

He'd basically given up on trying to win the match against Niall on FIFA and Zayn had stolen his remote to have his own match up against the blonde anyway.

"Nice of you to grace us with your presence, sir." Louis said, looking over to Zayn who had taken a seat on the couch next to Niall.

"I was drawing something. I have this charity thing in two weeks i'm submitting my art for. Can't go empty handed." 

Louis stood up and walked in front of the tv, earning distressed shouts from the boys on the couch before he moved away and towards the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. He hated having things on his mind, especially if he didn't think he could talk about them and this was something he didn't think he could communicate well.

Everyone and their mum would tell you that they thought he and Harry were a little closer than they let on and no matter how many times he or Harry tried to say they were just friends, they would just get a skeptical reaction. He was able to be as close as he was with the boy, act the way they do, and just be friends. Sure they might do things that might blur the lines of friendship and romance but that's how they'd been since they met. They were used to it.

Seeing Harry getting ready to leave tonight and knowing he was meeting up with Nick made Louis' stomach queasy and his skin burn. He wasn't sure what he was even upset about. Harry went out with Nick all the time. Maybe it was the extra time he took to perfect his appearance before he left. Was Harry trying to look good for Nick?

'That scumbag doesn't deserve Harry's perfection.' He thought, pouting. Louis froze. Did he really just think that? That was borderline boyfriendly jealous. What the hell was going on with him tonight? Its been more than 4 years since they met and he's been able to avoid the feelings and annoyances so far. He was acting like a five year old who just had his toy stolen. 

Louis decided to return to the living room. Niall and Zayn had given up on FIFA and popped in The Incredible Hulk to watch. He sat on the other side of Zayn, sighing. 

"What's going on with you, mate? You've been all mopey and weird since before Harry left." Niall asked. 

Louis shrugged. He really had no idea anymore. How did he explain that suddenly he wasn't sure how he felt anymore about the curly haired boy? He knew if he talked about it, the "I knew it's" and "I told you so's" were bound to come tumbling out. He really wasn't in the mood for that. 

"Is this about Harry getting all slutted up to go out?" Zayn asked, not taking his eyes off the screen. 

"He was not all slutted up, Zayn. Don't be a shit." Louis snapped. He rubbed his eyes, knowing he was being obvious. He was never one for subtlety when it came to Harry. 

"Look, you're being a wimp. We know you like him, you know you like him. You're just too scared for some reason to admit it to yourself." 

Louis scowled. He hated when Zayn analyzed him like he was some love therapist. "I'm so glad that I have you to tell me how I feel." 

Niall laughed, shoving popcorn into his mouth. "Its sort of obvious, bro. I think the only people who don't know are you and Harry."

"Don't talk with food in your mouth." Zayn looked at Niall, clearly disgusted, but still staring in amusement.

"Look, maybe I do, I don't know but who says he even likes me? He's too good for me." Louis replied, his voice fading on the last part.

That was another one of his problems in this situation. Insecurity. Harry may be clumsy as a day old baby giraffe and tell bad jokes but he's still far more attractive and perfect. A lot of people say that perfection isn't possible but to Louis, Harry was pretty damn close to it. 

He was just some chubby, pot smoking, troublemaking, cheeky screw up who didn't even have a proper solo in their songs until recently. 

Just then, his phone rang, disturbing him from his thoughts. 

"Hello?" he said into the phone.

"Is this Louis Tomlinson?" said a woman on the other end.

"Yes, who is this?" he replied, confused, looking at Zayn who raised his eyebrow with curiosity.

"You've been named an emergency contact for a Mr. Harry Styles?" 

"Uh yeah. What's going on? Is he okay?" Louis sat up straight, a bit panicked. Why was a hospital calling about Harry?

"I suggest you get to the hospital as soon as you can. We can talk about it in more detail here." she said and then she hung up.

Louis hung up quickly and ran to his bedroom to change into proper clothing.

"What's going on, Lou?" asked Zayn, appearing in the older boy's doorway.

"Call Liam and tell him to meet us at the hospital. Harry's there. The nurse just called me." Louis slipped on his jacket and walked out past Zayn. 

The two boys followed suit after slipping on their shoes and Zayn called Liam in the car.

The only thing on Louis' mind the whole way there was 'Please god let him be okay. I need him.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was the first chapter.
> 
> I really hope you liked it.
> 
> I sort of wanted you to see Louis' struggle and perspective before we get the ball rolling.
> 
> Don't be afraid to leave a comment.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Brief Mentions of Rape
> 
> I'm not a doctor so i'm not sure what I said is right but oh well.
> 
> Enjoy!

Louis' mind was full of thoughts on the drive to the hospital.

_'Is he okay?'_

_'Did someone hurt him?'_

_'I'll fucking kill whoever hurt him.'_

Zayn cleared his throat, looking at him with concern.

"Mate, loosen up on the steering wheel, yeah?" 

Louis looked down at his hands and noticed he was gripping the steering wheel so tight his knuckles were white. He sighed, loosening them.

"I'm just worried." 

Zayn looked back at Niall who had somehow fallen asleep in the backseat in the short time they'd been driving, then looked at Louis. 

"Brings everything to focus doesn't it?"

Louis' eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What are you talking about?" 

"You know that saying 'You don't know what you have until you lose it?'" Zayn asked and Louis nodded. "Well, you're worried about losing Harry. Worried about him being hurt and stuff. Sort of makes you think harder about how you feel for him. You're shocked into the truth."

Louis didn't answer him. He didn't have time for Zayn's deep soul searching bullshit. He loved Zayn but he was going out of his mind with panic. He just knew his best mate and possibly the boy he likes is in the hospital for some unknown reason and the nurse had been strangely cryptic about it which didn't help at all. He didn't usually believe in a god but he was praying heavily at that moment that it was nothing serious.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When they got to the hospital, Louis basically ran to the desk to find the nurse that called him. When he got there, the woman at the desk gave him a vaguely dirty look he didn't appreciate. "I spoke to a nurse about half an hour ago about Harry Styles being here?" 

"Yes sir, just take a seat and someone will be with you in a moment." she replied, sounding bored. 

Louis' fists clenched and Zayn grabbed him by the arms and dragged him away to the chairs. "Lou, let's sit, yeah?" 

Zayn pushed Louis down into a chair and sat next to him. "You okay?"

"The boy that I care about more than anything in the entire world is in the hospital. He's hurt or sick or something and you're asking if i'm okay? Its clear i'm not." Louis replied, his face in his hands.

"So it was a stupid question, sorry. I'm just concerned about you. I've never seen you this torn up before, Louis." 

"Are you two here for Harry Styles?" a blonde woman that stood in front of them, asked.

Louis shot up. "Is he okay? What's going on?" 

"Mr. Styles was found laying on the side of the street by a passerby and her daughter. The little girl saw him first, called her mother, you know how it goes. Luckily, there are nice people left in this world. They brought him in and agreed not to say anything but they're in the waiting room in the back because the daughter insisted they wait till you got here." 

Louis sighed out a breath of relief, that little girl deserved a medal. 

"What's wrong with him?" Zayn asked. Thank god for Zayn. He didn't think he could speak right now.

"Well, we gave him a full check up to make sure he was okay. There was some bruising on his hips and that was a concern for us. Usually that kind of bruising only is associated with-" she stopped talking, looking at both of the boys sympathetically. 

"With?!" Louis exclaimed. Clearly his panic was taking over again. Why couldn't they just spit it out instead of having some dramatic delay. 

"With rape cases." she finished. 

A sudden wave of nausea crashed over the older boy and his put his hand in front of his mouth, turning away. Zayn wrapped his arms around Louis, keeping him from sinking to the floor.

"We did a rape kit on him and it was confirmed. I'm sorry." A look of concern washed over her face as she looked to Louis who was still resting against Zayn.

"Can we see him?" he asked. 

"He's basically in shock. Obviously this kind of situation is quite traumatizing. We've tried to coax him to talk but he's said nothing. I suggest only one at a time. He's in room 311 when you're ready." she said and walked away. 

"Lou. Louis, come on. Pull yourself together, mate." Zayn said, pulling Louis up to stand straight. He caught sight of the older boy's face, his eyes were red and wet. "Oh god, Louis."

"Don't you dare start with that. Don't fucking pity me, Zayn. Its not me who needs the support." Louis said.

He felt weak. Weak as fuck. He felt way too many emotions at once but the overwhelming one was sadness. Harry had been raped. His boy. He couldn't imagine who would want to hurt such an amazing person. 

Harry was his sun on a dull day. He couldn't imagine the light in that boy's eyes burnt out. It killed him to think he let this happen. Harry had begged him to go to the party. That's the part of this no one knew. He felt responsible for this. For the boy he liked more than anything in the whole fucking world getting hurt so badly. He should have been there to protect him. To be glued to his side so no one would have had the chance to violate him.

Louis wasn't even phased by the fact that he was actually able to admit his feelings to himself finally. It was about time, really. He just wanted to go to Harry's room, crawl in bed, cradle the boy to his chest, and protect him from the world for the rest of his life.

"I think you should go see him first." Zayn said, breaking him out of his musings.

"Please come with me. Please." Louis pleaded. He didn't want to go alone. He was afraid he'd break the fragile boy even more. He was pretty sure he was going to blame himself for this for the rest of his life.

Zayn nodded. "Okay. Let's just go. Niall is trying to get ahold of Liam again. He just text me." 

They walked through the double doors and down the long, white hallway until they found the room marked 311. 

Louis paused, his hand on the door handle. He took a long breath and let it out shakily before pushing the door open.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Harry was laying in the bed, hooked to a bunch of stupid wires and crap, but he was currently sleeping. 

Louis made his way over to him slowly, sitting gently on the edge of the bed. The younger boy looked so fragile and sad, even in sleep. Even his curls were droopy. He grabbed Harry's hand and that was enough to stir the boy from his light slumber.

"Lou." he croaked. 

The older boy couldn't help it. He sprung a few more tears. Harry sounded so helpless and broken, even just saying his name. In his mind it was just more to blame himself for. His favorite person in the world, the one boy who was full of unbreakable confidence and light, he was a shadow of his former self.

Harry felt unreal. He was terrified he would fall asleep and wake up one morning and the last four years and the boy he's fallen hard for would be part of some long dream that his brain had conjured up. That he'd be 18 again, afraid of his ever changing sexuality, with no help to realize it. 

To think of the boy who defined his life with a permanent frown on his face, the dimples on his face when he smiled a distant memory, was more than he could bear. His chest constricted with pain. 

"I'm here, Haz. What happened?" he asked, strained. 

"Did the nurse tell you?" he asked, looking down at their hands instead of into the older boy's eyes.

"Yeah. We know. Who did this to you?" Zayn asked, sitting in the chair next to the bed.

Louis wasn't sure he wanted to know. He was likely to committ murder if he found out.

Harry shrugged, keeping silent. 

"Harry. Please tell me." Louis found himself saying.

"Why do you need to know?"

Louis scoffed. "I want to know who hurt you! I care about you. I need to know." 

"Its obvious to anyone who thinks about it long enough." Harry stated, staring into Louis' eyes like he was trying to communicate the answer. 

Truth is, Harry didn't want to say it. He was betrayed by someone he really trusted. He felt used, dirty, disgusting, and the words that were said throughout were ringing in his mind even now. He knew how they'd react to hearing who'd done this to him and he didn't feel like sparking an uproar of anger and homicidal feelings which he knew Louis would possess.

It seemed though that Louis got the picture though from his subtle hint he had given because his jaw clenched. 

"I'll kill that scum sucking son of a bitch." Louis said, standing up.

He paced back and forth in front of the hospital bed. All he could see was red. How dare that fucking rat Nick Grimshaw take it to these lengths. Sure he knew Nick had a thing for Harry but he didn't know he'd sink this low to get what he wanted. Or maybe he was just that stupid. He wanted to choke the living daylights out of that douche fucker. Of course his vocabulary always got more colorful when he was pissed beyond reason.

Zayn was a little slower at picking it up. "What? Louis, who is it?" 

"It was Nick, wasn't it? That total fucking asshat pushed his boundaries and just fucking stole what he wanted from you. I'm going to crush his goddamn windpipe!" 

Harry looked at Louis, wide eyed. He'd never heard this kind of stuff from Louis before. Louis had always been able to keep his anger in check when he was pissed. Of course with Nick Grimshaw there was always an exception. 

"Louis, chill bro. We're not doing anything stupid, are we?" Zayn said, approaching him to calm him down.

"Maybe you won't." Louis replied, his voice going lower. 

"Lou don't. I'm not going to let you get in trouble." Harry said, finding his voice finally.

"Harry, I can't help it, okay? You know how I feel about him. The fact that he's done this to you? I can't handle that. I'm not letting it go. If I don't beat the shit out of him, the least I can do is report him."

"No!" Harry squealed. "Just leave it alone. We don't need anymore more bad media surrounding us and I can't handle the attention. Just no. Can we go home and forget this? Please." His voice cracked on the plea, tears falling from his eyes.

He really couldn't handle being dragged through this day after day until Nick was finally thrown in jail. No he just couldn't. He needed to just go home, be with the boys, crawl in bed, and forget this ever happened.

Louis sighed. He couldn't put Harry through this anymore. He already looked a complete wreck and he refused to expose him to any more of this. "Okay. I'm sorry. We'll just let it go." 

He walked over to the side of the bed and hugged Harry gently, Harry clinging to him in return. He was so gone for this boy already. He just wished it hadn't taken something like this to make him realize it.

"When can you go home?" asked Zayn.

"The nurse said I should be okay to go in the morning." Harry replied, his voice muffled by Louis' chest.

"Good." Louis dug his fingers into the mess of curls and ran his fingers through them, knowing it'd comfort the boy.

There was a knock on the door suddenly and the other two boys entered.

"Where the hell have you been?" Louis snapped, tensing up but as soon as he felt Harry's hand on his, he relaxed again.

"Sorry." Niall said, sheepishly. "I went to go find Liam and drag him here.." 

"Harry what happened?" Liam asked, concerned.

"I'd rather not go over it again. Something happened at the party but i'm okay now." the boy said.

Louis and Zayn had a moment of silent communication before Zayn said "Why don't we give Louis and Harry some time alone? We'll see you tomorrow, Haz." 

"But we just got here." Liam complained.

Zayn put his hands on Liam's shoulders and pushed him out the door along with Niall.

Harry buried his face in Louis' neck, taking in the scent of him. Louis always calmed him down. No matter what happened, he was always there and he was so grateful for it. He had no idea how he'd repay Louis this time.

"Scoot over there, Haz." Louis said, quietly. 

Harry moved over and Louis hopped up on the bed, laying down and cradling Harry against him. The boys hand on his stomach and head on his chest. "Thank you, Lou."

"Shhhh. Go to sleep, love." 

Before Harry fell asleep, he remembered wondering where in the hell he'd be if he didn't have Louis in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote most of this watching If I Stay so emotions were on point.
> 
> Leave a comment if you wish.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Rape scene flashback. 
> 
> Yeah. Sorry to everyone who likes Nick. ):
> 
> I wanted the element of broken trust here.
> 
> It was what I was aiming for.

_"So pretty, Harry. You're always so pretty. Dressed so nice. So sexy. I just can't help myself."_

_"Please don't." Harry whined. "Stop."_

_"You do this on purpose don't you? Love the way everyone stares at you with your tits hanging out and your tight jeans clinging to every part of you." Nick ran his fingers down Harry's chest and to his hipbone. Dragging his nail gently in the crease of his thigh._

_Harry felt himself being pinned down suddenly, naked, his clothes having been ripped off earlier in the struggle, with no where to go and the more he tried to push Nick off, the tighter the grip on his wrists got._

_"Nick, please don't do this." Harry said, tears springing from his eyes and running down his face._

_"Oh don't worry, babe. I'll make it good. So good."_

Harry shot up straight away, out of breath and sweating. It was his first night home from the hospital and he was already having nightmares. He wished he could forget everything. 

He couldn't help but break into tears, covering his face. Everytime he closed his eyes, he saw Nick hovering maliciously over him. That evil smirk of his boring into his eyes. 

He just couldn't believe someone he'd called his best friend all these years would betray him so heavily. That Nick would have no regards for his feelings and that he could do something so cruel. He obviously wasn't the person he'd thought he was. However, Louis had warned him that Nick was the sleazy type and that Nick had a massive crush on Harry for ages. He should have listened to Lou and never went out to that stupid party.

Harry felt so used and fragile. So dirty. So unhinged. He wasn't likely to trust any men anytime soon. Well, other than the boys of course. Louis was probably the only one who was going to be able to get a fraction close to him. It was nothing against the other boys, they just weren't Louis. He knew how to make everything better, if things were even going to get better.

He knew he should be reporting Nick but he'd have to go through this many times in the courtroom, with his lawyer, and others involved and he couldn't do that. It was hard enough just remembering. He didn't think he could constantly recount. Add to the fact that it would add unneeded attention to him and the boys. They already had enough attention going on tour soon and he wasn't sure this attention would be good. That's all he needed was to cause problems.

His attention though turned to what Nick had said that night about how he was dressed. How he probably liked the attention it got him. While it did give him a boost of confidence when people stared at him because of the way he was dressed, he certainly wasn't asking for this. He didn't dress the way he did to tease people or give them the right to put their hands all over him. He dressed the way he did because he felt good and confident with his body and he saw nothing wrong with that. Apparently, to some people like Nick, it looked like an invitation. Maybe he should change how he dressed after all. More loose clothing. He didn't want to come off an easy slut anymore.

He wanted to sleep but he knew that was unlikely again so he glanced over at the clock on his nightstand and it read 3:06 A.M. in bright red numbers. He got up, clad in only his pair of briefs, and opened his door gently. He tip toed out into the hall of the flat he and Louis were sharing with the boys and down it until he got to another white wood door just like his.

It was slightly cracked and through the crack he could see Louis laying on his stomach, face buried in the pillow his head was currently resting on. He pushed open Louis' door gently, trying not to make any noise that would disturb the older boy, and walked over to the bed. He sat down gingerly on the bed and stared down at Louis, immersed in easy sleep.

He envied Louis at this moment. He could sleep peacefully and without worry. The frown lines that had donned his face at the hospital were non existent, little puffs of breath escaping where his face was smashed in the pillow. He almost looked like he did when he was 18 except for the stubble that graced his face. Thin lips a little pouty, moving with sleep and his breathing. He looked adorable, honestly.

Harry felt the distinct urge to run his fingers across Louis' cheek and feel the soft skin that was pliant with sleep. He paused, his thoughts freezing him. When did these thoughts start? Sure their friendship hadn't always been the most normal and their personal space was basically nonexistent around each other but this was Louis. His best mate. He couldn't think that stuff about him and what an inappropriate time as well.

Louis was the type of guy Harry could see spending the rest of his life with for sure. It didn't scare him to think that even though it was quite a loaded statement. He had a type, he couldn't deny that, but Louis was never more than a friend in that space in his head reserved for dating and love thoughts. The fact that he wanted to touch Louis in a way that wasn't friendly at all, startled him. Even if Louis was the only one he'd let close, he wasn't right in the head to start anything more. He was a traumatized mess and no one would waste their time with that. However, he was still Harry's friend. 

When he looked back down at Louis, curious blue eyes were staring back at him. 

"Y'okay Haz?" the older boy asked, voice deep with sleep. He rubbed his eyes, trying to focus them. Was Harry really here or was this an elaborate and tortuous dream his heart had conjured?

"Had a nightmare." he mumbled, looking at the bed covers. He felt like a 5 year old that needed to sleep with his mum to chase the monsters away.

Louis smiled sleepily and lifted the covers, signaling Harry to get in. Which of course he did because any opportunity to snuggle with Louis was never passed up. You just couldn't do that. He was like a blanket of warm all over you and granted the direction his thoughts had taken, he thought it wouldn't hurt. 

He turned his back towards Louis and the older boy caught on right away. He always knew Harry liked being the little spoon even though the kid was so damn tall. He wrapped his arm around Harry's waist, resting his forehead against Harry's back between his shoulder blades. Louis pressed a small kiss to the skin and Harry smiled to himself fondly. He always comforted. Louis just knew what to do without needing to be told. He knew him so well it made Harry's insides melt a little.

"You wanna talk about it?" Louis whispered.

Harry shook his head. "Just wanna lay here with you."

Louis felt his heart skip a tiny beat at that. Its not like it was a new thing, sleeping together. It was just that after his little realization of feelings for the curly lad, it seemed everything had so much more effect and meaning. Everything was more intense and could heat his blood and stop his heart in a matter of seconds. "Alright, curly. But in repayment for waking me up at this ungodly hour, I expect breakfast in the morning."

"I always cook, Lou." Harry replied. Louis could just hear the amusement in his voice and imagined he had the same sort of look on that infuriating face. 

"Hush yourself. Its not my fault that i'm deficient in cooking skills and you're a natural."

"I think it's your fault you're a menace in the kitchen." Harry chuckled, gently resting his hand on Louis', which was placed on his stomach. 

Louis had to remind himself to breathe. Usually contact wasn't coupled with this much electricity. Usually it didn't knock the sense out of him. Usually when his best friend touched him it was just that, a touch. Now it was more than that. It was a firework exploding under his skin. It was all the love in the world exploding in his chest and swelling his heart until he couldn't breathe. He was so gone for this boy it was pathetic.

'This is unfaiirr.' Louis whined inside his head. "Dick." he said aloud as Harry laughed once more and settled in to rest. Soon after, he fell back asleep as well, after his heart stopped thudding in his chest.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Louis woke up, he was alone. The side of the bed where Harry laid, crumpled and still warm. He couldn't have been awake too long. He finally got the energy to pull himself out of bed and walked into the bathroom, brushing his teeth, and pulling on some decent clothes. He walked out into the kitchen where Zayn and Niall were watching tv on the couch, Zayn drawing and Niall watching some documentary on animals.

"Surprised to see you up before noon, mate." Louis said, ruffling Zayn's hair. He always loved messing up the quiff that took so long to style. Zayn squawked and threw a pencil at Louis as he retreated to the kitchen but he stopped short in the doorway. Harry was sitting on the floor, hugging his knees to his chest, staring into thin air, tear stains down his cheeks.

He shot into action, crouching down by the boy gently. "Hazza? Love, what's wrong?" This boy was hardly the same person who had crawled into his bed last night. He was dressed in a big hoodie, a t-shirt, and sweatpants, socks on his feet. His hair wasn't quite messy but it hadn't been styled either. Any trace of a smile or laugh had been long washed away.

When Harry didn't answer, concern and sadness flooded Louis' body. He rested his hand gently on the boy's back. Harry flinched hard but looked up into Louis' eyes and sighed. "Lou." he whispered. He sounded just as broken as he did in the hospital.

"Haz, what's wrong?" Louis replied, quietly, running his fingers through the unruly curls. Obviously it was the right choice because Harry leaned into the touch. He was glad to help any way he could. He just wanted his boy to feel better.

Louis helped Harry stand up, the boy stumbled a little, and sat him at the table. Harry slumped over a bit, his face resting on the table. It was like he didn't even have the energy to sit up anymore. "None of you thought to help him? He was just sitting in the kitchen floor crying!" Louis exclaimed.

"We didn't see him, Lou. Otherwise we would have right away. Sorry." Niall mumbled, smiling sheepishly. "S'he alright?" 

"Was making breakfast but I threw up in the garbage can. Then, I remembered that night and I just gave out and started crying on the floor. I didn't want to get up and I didn't want to talk. I just didn't want to exist." Harry said, breaking his silence.

Harry was pale and Louis could definitely see that he'd probably been sick. There were abandoned pancakes on the stove and bacon but Louis couldn't eat. His insides were twisting and his heart was breaking. He wanted to fix this. He wanted to fix Harry with everything in him. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, he knew he might be able to help but Louis always messed things up. Always, it was like a curse. He had no idea how they were supposed to navigate through this tour with Harry like this.

"I'm gonna take him to lay down." Louis decided, helping Harry up, a hand on his waist. "C'mon love. You're gonna nap."

When they got to Harry's room, Louis laid him gingerly on the bed. Harry already looked like he was falling asleep. Who knew how long he'd been crying, the poor thing was probably exhausted.

"Stay." Harry mumbled, grabbing Louis sleeve when he turned to leave the room.

"I just wanna talk to Zayn and Niall for a little while, love. I'll come back as soon as i'm done, okay?" Louis ran his thumb over Harry's cheek bone, detaching the boy's arm from his sleeve and bringing it to his mouth to kiss his knuckles. Hey, he loved the boy, why not? Its not like it was out of the normal. The way Harry leaned into his thumb, a little burst of hope exploded in his stomach. Maybe there was hope.

No, wait. Stop this wasn't the time for this. He had no right to take advantage of Harry while he was in this state.

Louis covered Harry with the blanket and walked back out by Zayn and Niall. Plopping in the armchair, he sighed heavily. This was way too much.

"I hate this. Its so hard. I hate seeing him like this. I want to kill everyone who's ever hurt him. Starting with that arrogant little rat." Niall laughed which made Louis glare at him.

"What? I was laughing at the rat part. Also the fact that you're totally head over arse for Harry." Niall said and Zayn cracked a smile, looking at Louis.

"He's got a point. Sure, you care about Harry but this is to a new extreme. He's been so different lately and most people would lose their patience thinking there's nothing they can do. You're giving this all you have and then some. Obviously you're in love. We've never seen you this committed to something." Zayn laughed and pulled out a cigarette, lighting it and taking a puff from it.

"Thought you quit." Niall asked, crossing his arms. He looked like a cute, angry little bunny.

Zayn shrugged. "Stress. You know how it is."

Just then, Liam stormed in, slamming the door. From what Louis caught, he was mumbling something like "How could she" and "Unbelievable". Guess he was having problems with Sophia. When he got to the living room, he took one look at Zayn, his eyes narrowed, and he grabbed the cigarette and broke it, walking over to the window and throwing it out. If there was one thing you didn't do, its mess with Zayn's cigs.

"Excuse me! What the fuck was that for?!" Zayn yelled.

"You said you quit!" Liam fired back, crossing his arms much like Niall had and leaned back against the wall. "I was just helping you stay off them."

"One a day won't kill me, Liam."

Liam threw his arms up in the air exasperatedly. "Well sorry if I give a fuck about you enough to keep you from smoking again when you promised me you'd quit! One a day builds up, _Zayn_. UGH!" He sighed loudly, then went to another bedroom in the back of the flat.

Niall sat frozen, blinking rapidly. "What the bloody hell was all that about?"

"Him and Sophia are probably fighting again. Or maybe they broke up. He was mumbling about her in that mad caveman speak he usually does when he's pissed off." Louis repled, looking over to the bedroom to make sure Liam hadn't woken up Harry but unfortunately he did. 

Harry was stood in the doorway, eyes looking heavy still. He had on a hoodie that was loose and baggy even on him and gave him a serious case of sweater paws which were so adorable he wanted to pick out his eyes with a spoon. He looked like Louis did when he wore one of Harry's sweaters to be perfectly honest. Then Louis realized Harry didn't have any pants on, so his legs for days were on full display. This was horrible because he had a million and one reasons why Harry's legs were the best things he's ever seen in his life and this was not the time to oogle them.

Niall coughed awkwardly. _Right._ Staring too long. "You okay, H?" he asked, trying to remove the strain from his voice.

Harry nodded, staying quiet. He wasn't really used to the other boys enough to talk again around them yet. He really didn't want to make them feel bad but it was out of his control.

"Want me to come lay with you?" Louis asked and Zayn coughed which suspiciously sounded like a covered up laugh. He looked back at him and glared a glare that said 'I'll steal the rest of your cigarettes.'

Harry nodded again. Obviously he wasn't too comfortable around Niall and Zayn right now which was sad because he'd known them just as long as he'd know Louis.

Louis stood up and walked toward Harry, who disappeared in the room as soon as Louis stood. "I'm gonna go help him try to get more sleep. He was up at three in the morning."

"I don't understand why he doesn't talk to us anymore. Does he not like us or is he mad?" Niall asked. He was definitely sad that one of his friends wouldn't talk to him.

"Niall he's just having trouble right now with talking to others that aren't me. Be patient, he's going to come around. The way he feels, he can only handle one thing at a time."

Niall nodded, seeming satisfied and Louis walked into the bedroom, shutting the door, enclosing them in darkness except for the light coming through behind the curtains. He crawled from the end of the bed and laid behind Harry, gently resting his arm around Harry's waist. He felt a tiny flinch but then Harry relaxed into him, resting his body against Louis'. The last thing he could think of before he fell into a comfortable slumber with Harry was that he was going to help his boy recover. He was going to make him better again if it was the last thing he did and he'd put his feelings on the backburner if it meant seeing a genuine smile on Harry's face again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw aw Larry fluffiness. :')
> 
> Notice the little bit of Ziam?;D
> 
> Hope you are liking this so far! I'll update soon.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mention of Rape. Just once in the beginning.
> 
> Okay so there might be a surprise in here.
> 
> I'm sure you'll know when you get to it but its not like it was a surprise.. 
> 
> Idk, just enjoy this chapter. x3

It was a week later and Harry still showed no improvement even with Louis devoting himself to Harry. Not that that was any different than before but he was putting more of himself into this than ever before, he honestly expected a little improvement. He would sit with Harry and watch tv while he stroked Harry's curls, he would take naps with him, and the one that broke his heart the most was that he'd had to sit with Harry and just let him cry. He told himself it was part of the healing. Rape was a seriously traumatic thing after all and recovery is a process. So he was patient.

Harry was still mostly quiet around the other boys, though he'd said a few things to Niall in passing. He just couldn't face them right now. To be perfectly honest, he was a little embarrassed. Maybe a lot embarrassed. Most of them disliked Nick and the fact that he always dismissed it made him feel stupid. They knew he was a bad person to trust and he never gave a fuck what they thought since he considered Nick a friend. That also made him feel guilty because he was distancing himself from them. He could see it was worrying them and hurting them. He wished he could do something to ease their worries but something inside his head would not let him get close to any guy but Louis. He had enough common sense to know that none of the boys would hurt him but at the same time, that's what he'd thought about Nick. It was stupid but it was just stuck there in the back of his mind.

He was also still wearing the baggiest clothes he could find. Stuff he'd stolen from Robin for lazy days and random hoodies he found at home, even some of the boy's shirts and plenty of joggers. Sometimes the same a few days in a row. The words Nick said about the way he dressed were still hard pressed in his mind. He really didn't want to risk it and he could do without the unneeded attention.

Harry could see Louis was growing restless with the fact that he wasn't showing improvement but it was hard to snap back from something so horrible. Louis was with him all the time and he probably was sick of him. He would never know how to repay Louis for spending his time with him but he felt really bad about the fact that his mood and general demeanor was effecting his best friend and even the band. They were supposed to start tour a day ago and it had been pushed back because Harry didn't think he could be out in the public. He absolutely hated letting the fans down but what was he to do?

On top of everything, he was starting to feel sick all the time. He was constantly tired and he'd thrown up four out of seven days that week. Multiple times. Louis was always by his side in a second of course. Spending so much time with him was really starting to get to Harry. Not in an annoyance way but in a 'you're really attractive, kiss me' way. Honestly, that's the first time he'd ever thought anything halfway romantic about Louis. About anyone, really. He didn't know what to think about it but he knew he had to figure his issues out before he could even address feelings for someone else.

Of course here he was the next Monday, hovered over the toilet, throwing up everything but his memories. "Ugh, why doesn't it stop? I don't think I have anymore."

Louis laughed gently, one hand holding Harry's hair, the other rubbing his back. "I really wish you'd go see a doctor about this. Its really concerning me, love. I just want you to be okay."

Harry shook his head. "You know how I feel about hospitals."

Louis sighed. "I know but this shouldn't be happening this long. Its longer than any sickness usually would."

Harry sat up straight, wiping his mouth with a piece of toilet paper, and looking at Louis, resting his hand against the older boy's cheek. "If it gets worse, i'll go, okay?"

Louis felt his pulse starting up again when Harry rested his hand against his cheek. _Breathe, Louis. Breathe._ "Okay." he said, voice strained. "I get to decide when its worse though."

Harry nodded, pushing himself up off the cold tiled floor. He walked to his bedroom and sat down on the bed, scrolling through his Twitter feed. Most of it were well wishes because they'd told the fans he was sick. They really did have the best fans.

"Haz, love, can I ask you a question?" Louis asked.

"You just did." he replied, smiling.

Louis rolled his eyes. He was so fond of this little shit. "Seriously."

"Okay, sure."

"Why are you wearing this stuff? I mean, this isn't you, Harry. You're usually more vibrant and dressed up. Now while I understand what happened, I don't want him to change how you see yourself." Louis stated, his concern was clearly etched on his face and it made Harry sag into himself to know he was sad because of him.

"Just- When Nick attacked me, he kept saying things about how I dressed. That I asked for attention and that I liked it when people noticed me because of what I was wearing." Harry shuddered, just remembering it. He hated having to remember Nick lurking over him, the pain, the fear. It came in flashes behind his eyes. "The way he said it, I think it was the way I was dressed that made him do it. I don't want it to happen to me again."

Louis could feel his heart shatter piece by piece inside his chest as Harry talked. He was making himself "less attractive" because he was scared what happened would happen again. He shouldn't have to subject something that made him feel happy about himself because some prick couldn't control himself. He deserved to be the most amazingly dressed, confident, beautiful boy in _any_ room. He was not just going to let this happen to his favorite person in the world.

"Hazza, Nick is an asshole who knew he'd never be good enough to deserve you." Harry looked up at him, tears in his eyes. _No no no._ "He took what he wanted and that wasn't right but not everyone is like that. You deserve to be able to dress the way you want to dress without having to worry about being hurt or harassed." Louis ran his fingers through the boy's curls, trying to offer some semblance of comfort. It seemed to work because he cracked a small smile.

"What did I do to deserve you?" Harry asked, quietly. He stared into the blue eyes in front of him and looked down to Louis' thin, pink lips. He really wanted to kiss them. He wanted to feel if they were as soft as they looked. He wanted to- No now wasn't the time for this.

Meanwhile, Louis was struggling to breathe. He'd noticed Harry staring at his lips but he wasn't going to take advantage of this boy who was clearly still dealing with some heavy things. He couldn't. He wouldn't feel right about it. He cleared his throat awkwardly and flushed, smiling sheepishly. "Just lucky I guess." he murmured.

The younger boy nodded. "I think i'm going to go to bed. We start tour tomorrow and I want to be bright eyed for soundcheck."

"You're actually doing the tour?" Louis asked, bewildered. Harry never mentioned anything about this tour, much less when he would start it.

"I figured it'd be good for me to lose myself in work again. Plus, I feel bad not talking to the boys. Maybe that should stop."

"Harry, we want you to do what's best for you. Not for us. The boys know what's going on and they're okay with it. Maybe sad but they're okay. They know you need time and space." the older boy replied, moving to strip off his shirt.

Harry nodded, stripping off his own shirt and joggers. "Isn't being afraid of the boys and distancing myself from them silly though? I know they won't hurt me. None of them are heartless enough."

"Your trust was betrayed by someone you were close to, Haz. No one blames you for the distance." Louis slid off his joggers as well and sat on the edge of the bed. He really should find it distracting now that they slept together in their underwear but it never really was weird. Even with feelings involved.

The boy sighed. "Don't remind me." He got in his bed, burying himself under the covers. "I trust Zayn, Liam, and Niall. I might still be skittish but there is no reason to not speak to them. I feel horrible that they think I hate them."

"They don't think th-"

"I heard Niall say it before you came to sleep with me that one day." Harry interrupted.

_Oh._ "Sorry." he said, sheepishly. "I told him you don't. They're just worried too."

"I know. I'll be okay though. Around them." Harry finished and turned off the lamp on his side. He stared at Louis expectantly. "Are you gonna sleep?"

Louis nodded, shutting off the lamp and snuggling up against Harry's back, pulling him flush against his chest by the waist. Harry let out a little hum when he rested his head against the boy's back and kissed it like always. "Goodnight, Hazza."

"Night night Lou." he whispered back, snuggling back into Louis' embrace.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Are you going to tell us what you're sulking about or do we have to tickle it out of you?" Louis asked, sitting at the table the next morning.

Harry was showering and getting ready for soundcheck which was just in a few short hours. However, Louis had had enough of Liam's sulking and being an utter prick. He'd been that way ever since he stormed in the flat and broke Zayn's cigarette.

"Not that it's anyone's business," Liam started, looking pointedly at Louis. "But me and Sophia broke up."

"That's why you're being such a pain in the ass? Why did you break up?" asked Niall. Louis laughed at his lack of tact.

Liam gave Niall a dirty look and mumbled "She thought there was someone else in my life that I wanted more."

"Is there?" Louis raised his eyebrow curiously. He'd thought Liam was head over heels and all that rot for Sophia. If she saw that Liam was all into someone else, he must be. He was definitely going to find out who.

"Maybe." was all he replied when Zayn came sauntering out from his bedroom.

"Good morning, sleeping beauty!" Louis yelled and Zayn scowled, digging in his pocket for his cigarettes.

When he looked at Liam, the boy glared and he conceded, throwing the pack down on the table and moving to the fridge. It was an odd exchange really. There was something weird going on with those two but how could he be expected to balance helping Harry, loving Harry and not telling him or acting on it, and finding out what Zayn and Liam were both hiding.

Niall looked at his watch and shot up, grabbing his shoes. "Gotta meet up with Barbara. I'll meet you lads at soundcheck, okay?" Then he was out the door before they could wave him off.

"Okay, well i'll go check on Haz, you two play nice, yeah?" Louis said, then moved to walk into the bedroom.

Zayn looked up at Liam from his cereal bowl and sighed. "Liam why are you so angry? Are you mad at me or something? I don't get it. We were fine until last night."

Liam's stomach sunk a little. Truth is he was confused. He was confused on whether or not there really was another person he was into and why, just why it had to be a guy. He was always the straightest one in the group, except Niall but there were doubts about him sometimes. Zayn had come out as bi to the boys when he and Perrie broke up. "I'm not mad at you. I'm just frustrated, Zayn. I have no idea what's going on with me right now. I'm not happy my relationship ended. I'm not happy _why_ it ended."

"You're taking it out on me the most. I don't now what i'm doing but i'm sorry." Zayn slouched, reaching for his cigarettes. He slid one out and lit it.

Liam moved closer, sitting across from Zayn at the table. "Is that why you're smoking again?" Liam's voice sounded so small, it was almost heartbreaking. He couldn't be the reason for this. If he was, he could mend it.

The dark haired boy shook his head. "Its not all you. Just random stresses of life, you know?" He shoveled a spoonful of cereal in his mouth, then looked at Liam. "Talk to me. Why did your relationship end?"

"She thought I liked someone else." Liam rested his forehead on his hands. This was embarrassing but maybe Zayn could help. He went from being straight to bi. Its not like it was a bad thing for a guy to like guys. He had been used to it since meeting Louis and was generally accepting of the LGBT culture. He just never thought of himself as part of it. Now this has crashed into him like a huge wave of meh. The only problem was that Zayn was the issue. Sophia was jealous of him. Liam cared a ton about Zayn but he wasn't aware he'd been getting more... fond of him.

"Do you?" Zayn asked. Like it was just that simple.

Liam shrugged. "Yeah, maybe." he replied, noncommittally.

"Liam." He was looking pointedly at him and giving him a look that said ' _Tell the truth_ '.

"Okay! There's someone else. Its just- they're- I don't-" he stuttered.

"Babe, calm down." Zayn replied, amused. He rested his hand on Liam's and Liam felt electricity jolt his arm and something unfurl in his stomach that was warm and shocking. _Babe._

Liam let out a shaky breath. "Sorry. Just, its hard for me to deal with."

"Why's that?"

"S'aguy." Liam mumbled.

"What was that, Li?" Zayn asked, confused.

He could trust Zayn. This was okay. He was okay. "Its.. a guy."

"That you- Its a guy?" Zayn was wide eyed. It was actually kind of funny to watch. He'd never seen this boy so bewildered. "Thought you were..you know, straight?"

Liam shrugged again. "I guess not?"

"Have you even- I mean- have you tried..." It was Zayn's turn to stutter. This was certainly a new turn of events. Liam was bent? He was straight as an arrow at one point. He guessed now it was Niall but even he had gay moments.

"Well no, but-" Liam was cut off by someone crawling into his lap and pressing his lips against his. It was Zayn. _Holy fuck it was Zayn. And he was a good kisser._ He gripped the boy's hips so he wouldn't fall off his lap. His mouth tasted like cigarettes and cereal. Odd combination but Liam was obviously uncaring at the moment. Zayn ran his tongue against the seam of Liam's mouth and he wasted no time opening his mouth, letting their tongues tangle heatedly. Zayn moved his hips gently against the other boy's, eliciting a soft moan from Liam.

"Guys! We need to-" Louis stopped short, blinking at their position. "Okay. We'll discuss this later but we need to take Haz to the hospital. Now."

Zayn scrambled off of Liam's lap. "Why? What's going on? What about soundcheck?"

"Fuck soundcheck, Harry is.. I don't know how to explain it but he's bleeding and says he's in pain I just want to get him checked out, okay?!" Louis screeched. He was worried, he had no time for his dry humping bandmates.

Louis went back in the bedroom and picked up a crying Harry off the floor and helped him toe slippers on and got him to the front door. Zayn and Liam who were flushed still, pulled on their shoes and jackets and helped Louis get Harry down to the car.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

When they got to the hospital and got Harry in to see a doctor, the doctor insisted that Harry go alone. Louis wanted to punch him. Right in his stupid face.

Now he was pacing the waiting room floor in from of Liam and Zayn.

"Lou." Liam said. "Why don't you sit? Its going to be a while."

Louis took a seat next to Zayn and sighed. "You want to tell me what I walked in on?"

Zayn and Liam simultaneously flushed.

"I was helping Liam." Zayn mumbled.

"Helping or humping?" Louis asked, laughing and Zayn turned and even more impressive shade of red.

Liam glared at the older boy. "Lou, leave him alone."

"Aww, he's defending your honor, Zayn. How cute." Louis pinched Liam's cheeks and Liam slapped his hand away. "Ooh she's a vicious one."

"I really was helping him though. He's confused, to say the least."

Louis' eyes widened. Liam was into guys? Was everyone in the band bent?! Well other than Niall. "Since when?!" he said a little too loudly. It earned him a dirty look from a woman cuddling a baby against her chest. He smiled sheepishly and turned back to the two boys. "When did this happen?" he whispered.

"Sophia might have had a point. I am into someone else. A guy and its confusing and weird. I'm definitely not used to it but its not a bad thing. I won't treat it like it is. Besides, this guy is kind of amazing." He chanced a look at Zayn who was already smiling and smiled softly himself.

_Oh gag me._ Was this how nauseating he and Harry were? He understood why they complained now. "I'm happy if you're happy. I think that was one of the smoothest acceptances of being gay that i've ever seen anyway." Louis remarked. It really was. He had panicked for two weeks when he started liking guys.

"Are you all here for Harry Styles?" the doctor interrupted, walking up to them, clipboard in hand. Next to him stood a woman who was shorter with bright red hair and a bright smile.

"Yeah, we are. What's going on?" Louis asked.

"That's what I brought Shelly out here for. She can take you down to see Harry and she'll inform you on the way." he said and he walked out of the room.

"This way, boys." she said, turning right down the hallway, the three of them following close behind her. Once they got to a room marked 435, she stopped. "Alright, this is going to sound very weird to the lot of you but I urge you not to say anything about it. Harry had a miscarriage. He's one of very few males in the world that can carry children. There's a whole thing that could explain how this is possible and most of them have to do with his mother and genes and experimental drugs but we'll keep this short. He's lost a baby, basically. Be sensitive. Don't make him feel any worse. I'm informed on what's happened and I don't think it'd help his mental state if you said anything stupid."

Louis felt his mouth dry out like the Sahara. Harry was pregnant? He guessed that would explain why he was always throwing up and tired. This was too much information for one day. It was way too much to deal with knowing that baby was Nick's as well. That sick sadistic bastard. Part of him felt thankful Harry had lost it but then he felt so terrible for even thinking the death of baby was good.

The other boys were just as surprised and speechless. Liam looked so pale he was going to pass out. Luckily, Zayn was holding him up.

Louis put his hand on the doorknob. "Shall we go in then?" he asked. His voice sounded like it'd been put through a cheese grater. He was on the edge of crying, if he was honest. Zayn nodded and Liam just made a sound that sounded like a hum

Louis turned the doorknob and opened the door. On the other side, Harry sat in the bed, dressed in a hospital gown. He was pale too, of course. His hands were in his lap and he wouldn't make eye contact with them. It was like he was ashamed or something.

"Hey Hazza." Louis said, sitting next to Harry on the bed. "Y'alright?" It was a stupid question, he realized. No one who lost a baby would be alright.

Harry scoffed. "No."

"I'm sorry, love. That was stupid. I was just surprised." Louis ran his fingers through Harry's sweaty curls, hoping to be some source of comfort.

Harry felt tears brimming in his eyes. He buried his face in Louis' neck and started sobbing. "Why does this stuff happen to me?" he asked, voice muffled by Louis' skin. "I don't do anything wrong! I'm not a bad person!"

Louis felt helpless. The other boys weren't really helping much. They just stared on sympathetically but Louis knew too well only he could really help right now. "I don't know, love. You're right, you're not a bad person. These are just horrible circumstances."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I feel like a huge burden."

This time, Zayn spoke up. "Harry, you're not a burden to anyone. We love you, we care about you. This is going to be rough but we're going to get through it together."

Harry flashed him a watery smile. "I'm sorry i've been avoiding you."

"I know where you live. I could have talked to you." That made Harry laugh. He was really so lucky he had such amazing friends.

He was still so upset though. This was not fair. He had been feeling like something was different for a while. When the doctor had told him he'd lost a baby, he was shocked and partly disgusted because of why he was pregnant in the first place. The disgust however, went away when the doctor told him he was about a month along.

Truthfully, he was surprised he could get pregnant. He was a guy. That was out of the realm of possibility wasn't it? But then, the doctor explained something about an experimental drug his mother might have taken that could affect offspring in this way and he was in the right age range and it was just too much. His brain was spinning.

Everyone who had known Harry knew he wanted a baby. He definitely didn't want a baby as a product of a rape but it was still a baby. A little human he could have loved and taken care of despite the circumstances. He felt empty now that he'd lost it. He'd honestly do anything to replace it. Getting pregnant wouldn't be ideal for the tour, he'd put it off enough but at least he'd be decently happy. Other than he was when Louis was with him.

It was weird to crave something he didn't expect to happen in the first place. It was weird to still want this baby to be alive and being so distressed it wasn't given Nick would have been the father. Maybe he should be relieved he wouldn't have to explain this to his child, but he was sad more than anything. Was he being punished or something?

All he knew was that he had an amazing support system with him and whatever happened, he would just have to take it as it came.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay okay.
> 
> I might have borrowed that explanation of how he was able to get pregnant from another fanfiction.  
> I can't remember the name but I credit it and credit it hard. 
> 
> Ziam, yes yes? ;) 
> 
> Okay i'll update tomorrow if not later. :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I started this chapter at like 2 in the morning so it might sound stupid. 
> 
> Sorry I haven't updated this one in a while, I was a bit unclear on where I wanted to take this but now I know. :)
> 
> Enjoy. xo

After Harry had lost the baby, things were back to the way they had been when Harry first was released from the hospital. He was being distant again. He barely talked to anyone. Even Anne had called Louis three times worried to death because she hadn't heard from him. He also hadn't been eating at all. Louis had to stand over him and watch him eat, otherwise Harry would sneak to the garbage and throw everything away. 

To say Louis was worried was quite an understatement. All the boys were really worried about him. They were all doing their part to help Harry but they let Louis do the most because they knew he was the only one that could get away with forcing Harry to do things like eating or communicating with his family. They knew Louis' relationship with Harry was different and helping him was the only thing keeping himself sane.

It also might be out of pity because they know how he feels about the boy but he knows they'd never admit it to his face.

After he'd gotten Harry to eat breakfast and back to sleep again, he and Zayn sat in the living room by the window, smoking. Liam would freak out about if he knew but at the moment Louis didn't care. He was stressed out. He loved Harry with every fiber of his being but taking care of him was wearing him down. 

"So any changes in your little thing with Liam?" Louis asked, blowing the smoke out slowly, and handing the cigarette back to Zayn.

"There's no thing, Louis. I was just helping." Zayn replied casually, taking a drag.

It bothered Louis that he was treating this like nothing. From what he could tell, Liam was harboring a serious crush on Zayn. If Zayn was going to be his usual calm, cool, noncommittal self then Liam was going to get hurt. That was the last thing they needed. A rift in the band while Harry was out of commission.

After his miscarriage, Paul had postponed the start of their tour yet again. Harry was on bedrest anyway. Maybe they should just cancel it since every time they'd tried to start it, disaster struck, but management would never allow it. They'd lose serious money for canceling and giving money back. They were a bunch of greedy assholes if Louis had anything to say about it.

"He seems to like you though." He grabbed the cigarette out of Zayn's hand and finished it, putting it out in their makeshift ashtray.

"I don't know. I'd be the first guy he's ever been with. Who's to say that when he gets used to all this, he'll still want to be committed? He might want his freedom to explore." Zayn took another cigarette out of his pack and lit it. "Far be it for me to keep him from experiencing life as a gay man."

"That's such a stereotype. Not all gay guys are promiscuous. There are loads that want a commitment. I think you're just scared." Louis stated.

He was a bit annoyed that Zayn would pander to the common gay stereotypes just because he's afraid. Usually when Zayn was scared of something, he'd find the most common and idiotic reason to dodge it. 

He took the cigarette from Zayn's hands again and took a deep drag. Fuck what everyone else said, he'd risk his health every damn day to feel this level of relief from his stress. Liam could go suck a donkey toe.

Zayn scoffed, snatching the cigarette back. "Why would I be afraid? I have no reason."

"Every time you get close to someone in a romantic way you start backing away. You find some bullshit reason to dismiss it and pass it off as nothing. Especially if it could potentially hurt you. Life sucks, mate. Risk is what keeps us young."

"Funny this coming from you when you're so in love with Harry but can't find the balls to say anything about it. Why don't you risk telling Harry?" Zayn shot back, incredulously.

He put out the cigarette and sprayed the air freshener around their heads. Not that it'd help. Liam would probably smell smoke the moment he walked into the flat. If not in the air, on their clothes.

"My situation is different. You really think I want to just lay all this on him while he's going through all this shit? He's got enough to deal with without me laying my feelings out on the line for him. When things are a little more normal then i'll tell him." Louis replied, pushing himself off the windowsill to move onto the couch.

"Yeah yeah." he said, collapsing on the couch next to Louis.

"Where the hell is Niall?" Louis asked suddenly.

"Date with Barbara. They're getting pretty serious." Zayn replied, scrolling through his twitter feed. "Jesus, the fans think Harry's dying."

Louis chuckled. "Feels like that sometimes. I don't know what else I can do. Everytime he makes progress, it feels like he slips again."

"Mate all I can tell you is just be there for him. It seemed to help him before. He's been through the ringer lately. He just needs time." Zayn wrapped his arm around Louis' shoulders, trying to offer comfort.

The front door opened a moment later and Liam came striding in. He stopped in front of the couch and looked to Louis and Zayn who smiled sheepishly.

"You guys smoked didn't you?" Liam said, glaring.

"I'm allowed to. I'm older than all of you so no one is telling me what to do." Louis replied, smiling stubbornly. "I'm going to check on Haz." 

When Louis disappeared, Liam sat next to Zayn on the couch and sighed. "Why do you promise me things when you're just going to break them?"

"Li, do you know how hard it is to stop smoking when you've smoked for years? I don't promise you things with the intent to break my promise." Zayn said, gently.

"I know how hard it is. Do you even try to stop? I just don't want you to get sick. One day you're fine, the next you could wake up and its hard to breathe or-"

Zayn cut Liam off by pressing his lips to the other boy's. After a few minutes, he pulled away. "Anyone ever tell you that you worry too much?" he whispered.

Liam swallowed hard. "Anyone ever tell you that you're a good kisser?"

Zayn laughed quietly. "Not recently but thanks."

Liam pulled Zayn back in by the back of his head, fingers tangling in the dark head of hair, pushing his tongue past Zayn's lips to deepen the kiss.

Zayn rested his hands on Liam's face to keep them from wandering. He may love kissing Liam but he wasn't sure how much further the boy was comfortable with going and he wasn't going to push his luck while he had the chance to kiss Liam.

When Liam climbed onto his lap and wrapped his arms around his neck, Zayn was pretty sure he could get away with resting his hands on Liam's hips, which is where he relocated them.

However, his hands also had a mind of their own which his how they ended up on Liam's ass, squeezing hard and pulling him forward against him more, which pulled a moan out of the boy on top of him when their hips grinded together.

They broke away from each other when they ran out of air but their faces seemed magnetized with their foreheads leaning against each other's.

Zayn was vaguely aware of the fact that he was getting hard from this whole situation, his pants tightening a little more in the frontal area, and if Liam didn't want it to go any further than this, he'd probably have to diffuse the situation now. He wasn't really sure how long Louis would be gone checking on Harry and he wasn't sure he wanted the older boy to catch them again in another provocative position.

"Li." Zayn breathed out when their lips separated for a moment, his hips and stiff dick absent mindedly pushing up into Liam's ass and he knew Liam felt it because he grinded right back down against him. " _Fuck._ "

Liam was biting and kissing his jaw when the sense to stop this finally overcame him.

"L-Liam. We shouldn't-" Zayn winced when Liam bit into his skin and sucked a mark right under his jawline.

"Shouldn't what?" Liam asked, confused.

"This. We can't just do this in the middle of the living room and not when you're confused." Zayn said, lifting Liam off of him and putting him on the couch. He stood up, still hard in his jeans from their little encounter.

Liam sighed, sitting back against the couch, willing his own hard on to dissipate. He was still flushed "You're right. What the fuck was I thinking?"

"I'm not saying I didn't like it. Obviously I did." He said, motioning down to the bulge in his jeans, making Liam crack a smile. "I just think you have some things to sort out first."

"I know I like you." Liam whispered, his head on Zayn's shoulder. "The rest is unclear right now."

"Well, when you figure it out, you come find me, yeah?" Zayn said, kissing the top of Liam's head.

He was in danger of falling himself. He really wanted Liam to be sure about everything before they let themselves fall over the edge, unable to turn back.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Louis returned from Harry's room, frustrated. Harry was being stubborn even more than usual today. He claimed he wouldn't eat at all because he didn't care about food. Something was going on with that boy. He'd get it out of him later.

When he got back to the living room, Liam and Zayn were sat together, Zayn watching something about art in Europe on the telly and Liam reading. Liam had a bit of a red tint to his cheeks and Zayn looked a little bothered if he was honest.

He smirked inside his head. Clearly something had happened. He'd pump Zayn for information later but now he had to accomplish cooking something for Harry without burning the entire complex down.

He could just call for takeout but Harry had been eating that all week and he really wanted him to have a home cooked meal. Zayn couldn't be arsed to cook and Liam was just as lazy. Niall barely knew how to cook just like him. 

"Zaynnn." Louis whined from the kitchen. "Will you help me cook?"

Zayn chuckled. "Help you cook? You'd set me on fire too."

"You're a dick, you know that? Why do I call you my mate?" Louis huffed, deciding to just make a pizza.

He preheated the oven and when the bell dinged, he slid the pizza in. He could do this. It was simple. If he fucked this up, he was never going near another oven. Harry would have to eat cereal until he got better.

As it turns out, the pizza was only a little burnt on the bottom. A huge sucess for Louis in the way of cooking. He felt smug. He cut two pieces for Harry and put them on a plate.

When he was done eating his slices, he grabbed the plate and walked down the hall to his room.

Harry had made Louis' bedroom his bedroom since he had gotten back from the hospital. Of course, Louis had absolutely no problem with that. Especially since at night he had someone to cuddle with while he slept. It made for easier sleeping for the both of them. Usually Harry would just end up in his bed anyway if he fell asleep anywhere else. They were just cutting out the middleman.

"Hazza? I brought you something to eat, love." Louis said, walking over to the bed where Harry had currently buried his entire body under blankets.

Harry groaned. "I don't want it."

"Harold Edward, you are going to eat this because I cooked it for you and we all know how hard cooking is for me."

There was a silence and then Harry said, "If you cooked it, I definitely don't want it."

Louis felt his mouth drop in surprise. "Harry I will shove this down your fucking throat. You need to eat."

"You know, force never really helps anything go smoother. As you can probably tell from the past few weeks." Harry said and Louis gaped even though he couldn't see it. How dare he compare this to what happened to him.

"What do you expect, Harry? I'm just trying to help you. So you don't get sick? Not eating isn't going to help you feel better."

"Food is not what I want in my stomach right now." Harry's voice sounded strained like he'd begun crying.

 _No. No no no._ Louis set the plate on the nightstand and sat next to Harry. He still wanted the baby. He knew Harry was baby crazy and he wasn't too happy about losing the one he had. He just never expected Harry to want one still. For him to feel this empty without one.

"Haz." he began, resting his hand on the boy's back, which was shaking, since he guessed Harry was crying. "I wish things wouldn't have happened the way they did but we're going to get through this together."

"You don't understand!" Harry exclaimed, throwing the covers up and off of him. He was in just his underwear. Louis silently thanked the gods that Harry wasn't naked. "I feel like a shitty person. Like i'm being punished for something. I wanted that baby so bad no matter how it happened and now that its gone, I feel so fucking empty and useless." His voice cracked and tears started falling from his eyes as he fell forward to lay his head on Louis' lap, curling up in a ball. "I want it back. I want it back, Lou. I'd do anything."

Meanwhile, Louis' heart was breaking. He couldn't stand seeing Harry like this. It hurt him so much and it seemed like he was doing more harm than good for him.

"I know, love. Maybe someday." he whispered, petting Harry's hair as the boy cried. He felt completely fucking helpless.

Suddenly, Harry sat up. His watery green eyes boring into his own blue ones. "Do you love me?"

The question shocked Louis. Where exactly the fuck had that come from? Where was this going? Maybe he could tell Harry. All the truth. It didn't feel right though. It felt like taking advantage of an obviously mentally unstable person.

"Of course I love you Haz." he said, casually. Maybe that would be good enough not to give too much away.

"I feel like i'm annoying you." Harry didn't look him in the eye. It made Louis feel horrible for being frustrated with the boy.

"You're not annoying me." Louis whispered, leaning his forehead against Harry's. "You're going through a lot."

"I'm a mess." Harry replied, his eyes closing. As if Louis was sending out calming rays through his skin into Harry's.

"You're having a rough time, love. No one blames you for that."

"I want something." Harry whispered.

"Hmm?" Louis replied.

"Kiss me."

Louis' insides froze and his whole body felt like someone had pressed a pause button on a remote and aimed it at him. His mouth dried out in an instant.

There were so many questions running through his head. Had Harry really said to kiss him or was he dreaming? Was he going to wake up from this with Liam shaking him awake? Was it right to do this? Could he stop himself if he let himself have this one pleasure?

"Lou?" Harry inquired. Apparently he'd been quiet too long.

"I-" Louis couldn't speak. His mouth felt like a desert. Would this be right? Surely Harry was asking because he wanted to or was it because he wanted to erase all traces of Nick from his body? Was this simply just a coping mechanism? "Why?"

_And really that's all he could come up with?_

Harry shrugged, unable to answer him.

He had no idea why he wanted Louis to kiss him. It had been all he could think of since Louis came in the bedroom. It was scaring him the way he wanted Louis all of a sudden. His feelings were muddled. They had gone from friendly to something more. The thing is he had no idea how Louis felt and that bothered him. Usually he could read Louis like a book but his pages had looked blank for a while.

"Hazza, I don't think we should. I mean, I care about you but this isn't going to help you get over what Nick did."

Harry inwardly scoffed. He was over what Nick had done for the most part. At least part of the way. He still had no idea how he'd react when he got involved with someone sexually but he had a while to figure that out it seemed. He wasn't interested in having sex anytime soon anyway.

He was just feeling horrible for losing a baby. For killing a tiny human being that depended on him to keep it alive in the first place. He felt like he'd done something wrong in his life that someone was getting back at him for. Like the worst karma. He felt like a failure.

"Yeah, its alright. I'm sorry I said it." Harry replied, staring at the now cold pieces of pizza on the nightstand instead of in Louis' eyes.

Louis somewhat deflated. He hadn't meant to disappoint Harry, he just felt like he'd be taking advantage of the situation. He felt like a broken record but he had morals. Of course, he also knew he probably just fucked up any chance he had with Harry.

Now would be a good time to tell Harry how he felt but he couldn't find the right words. Even when he thought of them, he couldn't get them to leave his mouth. "Eat." was all he could say.

Harry took a bite of a piece of pizza to appease Louis and actually smiled after he swallowed it. "Well done. Barely burnt."

"Well I tried my best. Zayn wouldn't help me so I did it all by myself." Louis replied, smiling back.

At least if anything, he still had Louis as a friend. He couldn't picture a life without Louis in any aspect but if as a friend is all he gets, he's good with that. Especially since he'd been such a great help throughout this whole mess. Louis was one of those people you could never replace. One of those people who would always be there to help and he had no idea where he would be if Louis wasn't in his life or had given up on him. Honestly, he would probably be dead.

"I'm proud of you. You've finally cooked something other than toast." Harry said, proudly.

Seeing Harry's pride in him sparked something inside him that had his gut churning. Before he could think, he moved forward to push his lips against Harry's. Harry was frozen a moment before responding and moving his lips as well. He pushed Harry down on the bed, caging him with his hands, deepening the kiss, pushing his tongue into his mouth.

When Harry opened his eyes, all he could see was Nick above him. He broke the kiss and closed his eyes, opening them again. Louis stared down at him, breathing heavily, a look of concern on his face. "You okay?"

Harry shook the visions away and nodded, pulling Louis back down into a kiss. Louis moved down to Harry's neck, kissing and biting at the skin.

_So pretty, Harry. You're always so pretty._

Harry whimpered but Louis mistook it for a pleasurable one so he moved to kiss Harry again.

_You do this on purpose don't you?_

"No!" Harry cried, pushing Louis off of him, Louis landing on the floor. Tears he was unaware were falling stained his cheeks, he was shaking like a leaf in the wind on a fall day and curled in a ball at the headboard.

Louis took one look at him and felt the worst he's ever felt in his life. He shouldn't have let this happen. "Harry I- I'm so sorry. Fuck."

He felt like crying. The one thing he didn't want to happen, happened. He pushed it too far and terrified Harry. So he did the only thing he could do. He ran out.

When he reached the living room, he didn't give a fuck who was there, he collapsed to the floor and cried. He was vaguely aware of Zayn and Liam at his side, asking him what happened but he couldn't speak.

All he knew was that he'd royally fucked up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Ziam and Larry moments aye. ;3 Even though Larry's didn't end up so great. :(
> 
> More to come soon. I'm hoping to update this and Sweet Sacrifice this weekend.
> 
> I think you guys should follow me on tumblr or at least leave me some prompts in my ask box because I need to write more Larry stuff. I'm looking for one shot prompts here.
> 
> Tumblr: stylinsexual2202


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry that I haven't updated anything in such a long time. I've had health problems after health problems for the past week and a half. /:
> 
> But i'm back and hopefully updating more later on. (:
> 
> Enjoy!xo

Louis was avoiding him. That much was clear. After his freak out when the older boy had kissed him, Louis kept his distance. Harry knew he felt horrible about it. That he blamed himself. He'd tried to corner Louis a few times but whenever he'd come close, Louis had found a way to escape or he'd made up some excuse as to why he couldn't talk.

It was frustrating to say the least. The one person who was playing such a huge part in his recovery was now missing from his life in a manner of speaking. It hurt but he was never going to admit that. He didn't want to give Louis cause for more self hatred. It really wasn't even anything he should have been blaming himself for anyway. He was the one who was fucked up, not Louis. He was the one who had a level 10 breakdown because his mind was still littered with thoughts of what had happened.

He'd even moved back into his own bedroom because he was suffocating on the awkward silences that happened when they were alone. He knew he couldn't get Louis to cuddle him much less even look in his direction without looking ashamed of himself but he also knew he really needed Louis if he was ever going to get through all of this.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

So, he might have been avoiding Harry a little lately. He just couldn't take being around Harry without feeling weighed down with guilt. He felt like he'd fucked everything up. How could he have been so stupid? He should have never given in to his urges while Harry was still dealing with all this stuff like he'd originally intended. He was too weak for his own good.

The fact remained that Harry had still kissed him back. The nagging, curious voice at the back of his head was still wondering why. Was Harry interested too? _You can't even face him right now. You freaked him out. You really think now is a good time to wonder how he feels about you?_

Everything was so messed up. His intention was to help Harry get through all of this but he'd ended up making it all worse and he'd scared the living hell out of Harry. Harry seemed to get over it well enough but Louis wasn't so lucky. He knew Harry wanted to talk about it but he couldn't without it making him feel sick. If he couldn't look at Harry how was he going to even discuss this?

Every time Harry got near him and insisted they should talk, he made up something like he had to skype his mum and sisters or he needed to call his nan. They were lame excuses and he knew Harry knew they were lies. Seeing as how he had a set time during the week he skyped his family and called his nan but Harry always let him go. He assumed it wasn't that important then and it was never discussed.

Eventually, Harry gave up trying to talk to him but as he stopped trying, Louis noticed he was looking more and more sad. It just served to make him feel worse. He broke his own rule in approaching this situation but not talking to Harry was making him upset and it was clearly upsetting Harry.

"When are you going to talk to him? Its clear that he feels bad for freaking out on you." said Liam, sitting next to Louis on the couch, watching Harry mope about the kitchen then returning to his room.

"Liam, I pushed his boundaries. I'm not going to let that happen again." Louis replied, sighing, flipping through channels on the telly. There was nothing on and this was the only thing serving to entertain him.

"Lou, he obviously didn't mind. It was just side effects of a trauma. You did say he kissed you back."

"You saw the state I was in when I ran out here that night, right? I feel absolutely shitty for doing that to him. I'm not supposed to be satisfying my own desires, i'm supposed to be helping heal him." Louis shut off the TV and threw the remote on the coffee table in front of the couch. "That was not helping. That was setting him back."

"You do realize you seem to be the only one of you two dwelling on this, don't you?" Zayn said from the kitchen. He was making lunch for everyone since he didn't trust Louis to do anything. The pizza may have been an accomplishment but they didn't want to test it and Louis was only too grateful.

"He could be hiding it. I saw the look on his face that day. He was crying and scared. I can't-" Louis stopped short, choking up. Some of his own tears were threatening to come out.

Liam threw his arm over Louis' shoulder. "You're hurting him more by ignoring him. Every time you turned him down to talk, I could see the sadness growing in his eyes. Its growing in yours too the longer you're away from him. Please just talk."

Liam was right. He was getting more sad by the minute. It felt like the Harry space in his heart was a big hole now and his chest felt heavy. He wanted to cry all the time which was unnatural for him. Maybe it was time to put the guilt aside and settle this.

"I guess I could try." Louis said, quietly. He was still hesitant but if he didn't do this he was afraid Harry would reach the point of no return. He messed up Harry's progress and now he was going to fix it.

Louis got up off the couch slowly, sighing. He was nervous if he was honest. He didn't know how this would go. His emotions were on high right now because of the absence of the boy from his life and now he was going to try to settle this and he wasn't sure if he could do it without crying. He didn't want to seem weak though, was the thing but he didn't want to seem heartless. If the battle in his mind was anything to go by, he was quite conflicted about how to approach this.

He felt hands on his shoulders and then heard Zayn whisper, "Just take a breath and go. Talk to him. You both need each other."

He pulled in a deep breath and let it go, nodding. He made his way to Harry's bedroom door and knocked gently. When it was clear to him Harry hadn't heard him knock, he knocked again, harder. He heard the weak "come in" from Harry and proceeded to open the door, disappearing inside.

\-----------------------------------------

The last person Harry had expected to walk in was Louis but that's exactly who entered his bedroom after he'd told whomever had knocked that they could come in. He was shocked into silence but also it saddened him a little. What was he supposed to say to him? "Thanks for ignoring me"? He didn't want to make Louis feel worse but he was a bit angry at Louis for disappearing on him when he needed him most.

"Hi." Louis said, sitting down on the bed next to Harry.

The only thing he got out of Harry was a sad but somewhat angered look. It made Louis shrink back into himself. He couldn't blame Harry for being the tiniest bit angry at him. He'd left him all alone.

"Haz, i'm sorry." Louis tried again. "I felt horrible for scaring you. I couldn't look you in the eyes without feeling guilty about it. I took advantage of you."

Harry scoffed. "Is that really what you think? You took advantage of me? Louis, I asked you to kiss me first. Do you really think I didn't want that?"

"I've dedicated myself to your recovery but I set you back."

Harry moved closer to Louis, resting his hand on Louis' knee. "I'm okay now. It was a minor bump in the road but it wasn't your fault. Its Nick's fault. I still have little flashbacks, like that one. They'll never go away if I don't put myself in situations that scare me. It helps me face the fear i've obtained and get over it."

"When did you become a therapist?" Louis asked, smiling.

"Talked to one Paul suggested on the phone. She's right. I just need to get used to these things again. Right now they're associated with a bad memory but I can create new ones if I try. I need to know how you feel about me though."

Louis' throat immediately dried out. Was now really the right time to lay it all out on the table? It was killing him to keep it to himself, especially after that kiss but right now things were on thin ice and he wanted Harry to be more at ease and for things to be normal before he spilled the contents of his heart.

"This is all about you. Your healing. My feelings are irrelevant." He croaked out.

"Louis." Harry said sternly. "Stop sacrificing your feelings just to help me. Did you ever think maybe knowing might help me more? Why do you even think I wanted you to kiss me? It wasn't for fun."

Louis shook his head. He couldn't be lead into a sense of false hope. Harry only wanted that because he needed someone to be there. As support, not a lover. He needed someone who would make him feel better. Feel like himself again.

"You don't like me. You're just confused."

"Are you kidding me?" Harry shot back, incredulously. "You think i'm confused about my own feelings?"

"Harry-"

"No. You don't get to tell me what I feel. I know that you kissed me because you feel something between us just like I have for the past few weeks. I don't know what's got you so scared to admit it but if you can't admit it obviously you don't care as much as you say you do." Harry crossed his arms, looking away.

He was supposed to be fixing things but they were coming apart again. Figures.

"Harry, i'm scared because you can do so much better than me." Louis admitted, quietly, arms hugging himself.

He was getting insecure again. Its what he'd believed all along. Harry was this amazing and beautiful person who radiated light and smiles and made people feel better. He was a sarcastic joker with a smoking problem and a big bum. Harry deserved so many things in the world. So many things better than him.

"Louis." Harry's voice was gentle, his head turning back to the older boy. "I can say without a doubt that you're one of the best things that's ever happened to me. You've been here for me ever since we started this whole thing and you've always protected me."

When Louis didn't answer, Harry continued. "When you started avoiding me, it was one of the first times I had to deal with things on my own since I was sixteen. I was lost without you. I need _you_ , not someone else. I care about _you_. No one else has made me feel the way you do. Please don't be scared to tell me how you feel. You never have been before."

"Haz." Louis choked out. He was unaware he was crying until he felt a tear drop from his face and onto his shirt.

Harry rested his hands on Louis' cheeks, green eyes piercing into blue. "Please, Lou."

Louis squeezed his eyes shut. He didn't know if he could. He didn't deserve Harry. After all he'd done lately, leaving the boy alone and scaring him, he couldn't mess up again but he knew he would.

"I don't want to mess this up." he whispered.

"You couldn't do anything at all that would make me walk away from you."

"I- I like you. A lot. I have for a while. I finally accepted it when I got the call that you were in the hospital after the party. It scared the living shit out of me. All I could think was that if there was any god in the universe, he would make sure you were okay because I need you." Louis forced out, his voice strained from crying.

Harry moved forward and pressed his lips against Louis'. It was a simple kiss, over before Louis could process what had happened. He pushed Louis into a laying position and laid next to him, arm wrapped around his waist, face buried in his neck.

"In case it wasn't clear enough, I like you too." Harry said, his breath misting over Louis' skin.

"So what do we do about it?" Louis replied, holding Harry against his side.

"I think to avoid situations like what happened before, we should take things slowly. I'm still dealing with a lot and i'm clearly not back to normal but I still want to be with you."

Louis felt Harry press a kiss to his neck and smiled. "I want to be with you too. So, are we official or are we going to give it a couple days?"

Harry leaned up on his elbow, staring at Louis with what seemed like a shred of happiness in his eyes for the first time in a while.

"I'd like to be able to call you my boyfriend now rather than later."

And Harry smiled wide. For the first time in a long time, the faint sign of a dimple was present in his face. It made Louis feel warm and gooey.

Louis nodded his affirmation. "Now it is then."

He couldn't remember being this happy. It felt like storm clouds had permanently taken over his life for quite some time. Seeing Harry smile so brightly, he was annoyed to admit that Liam was right. Maybe this was going to be more of a help to Harry's recovery. He had something else to focus on now. Instead of a best friend, he had a boyfriend to help him and that just might make more of a difference.

\------------------------------------------------------

In the living room, Liam and Zayn had started quite the make out session on the couch, movie forgotten. Liam was on his lap, cupping his face, Zayn's hands up the back of his shirt, which had Liam itching to just take the shirt off. They had limited their encounters to just kissing though until Liam had figured out what he really wanted out of his realizations of his sexuality and the person he liked. Which was Zayn but its not like Liam would ever admit it out loud to him just yet. He had made some pretty huge hints but Zayn had never said anything about it so he figured Zayn was waiting for him to confirm. He found it only fair to figure out whether or not he wanted a relationship before pursuing Zayn.

When Liam had confided in Louis who he liked but said he wasn't sure if Zayn liked him back, Louis had just laughed and shook his head, called him dim, and went to shower. He had no idea what that really meant. He felt like Louis should be a little more sympathetic since generally, he was in the same situation the older boy was with Harry.

He felt like he was on a whole new level in these encounters with Zayn. Sure he'd had encounters with girls that were intense but nothing compared to these. It was as if he was addicted. Everytime he kissed Zayn he felt like he wanted _moremoremore_ until he had nothing left to give. He wanted everything. He _craved_ everything Zayn wanted to give him. It was a feeling that bubbled up in his stomach every time and it was so much mixed with the arousal he felt.

He broke off the kiss, a bit of sweat already gathering on his brow, leaning his forehead against Zayn's. Zayn looked up at him, concerned.

"Sorry." Liam whispered. "I just thought if I didn't stop, I would have let this go so much farther and I know our rules."

Zayn chuckled, breathlessly. "Its okay. I was having a bit of trouble controlling myself anyway."

Liam moved off of Zayn's lap and onto the couch next to him. "Zayn?"

"Hmm?"

"I really like you." It was out before Liam could stop it.

He could either deny it which would probably hurt Zayn and put a dent in whatever was forming or he could accept that he'd probably already sorted out what he wanted but was too nervous to bring it to the forefront of his mind.

"You do?" Zayn asked, straightening up on the couch. "Are you sure? You haven't really done anything with anyone else. How do you know?"

"I don't need to do anything with someone else to know that I like you. It'd be pointless to explore things with others when my heart is with someone already."

Honestly, he was quite unsure where the courage to be forward was coming from but he was glad it had come. If anything, Liam just wanted to be happy. He had been taught that when you find someone that makes you happy, what you're supposed to do is take every risk to ensure that person becomes yours and stays yours. That you hold on to them and never let them go. Show them everyday why you took so many risks for them and how much you care.

Zayn smiled and grabbed Liam's hand. "I just don't want to hold you back. This is a different life for you."

"I don't consider starting something with the person I like being held back."

"So it was me you were talking about that day?" Zayn asked, flushing a little, but still with an amused grin.

It was Liam's turn to flush but he nodded. "I made it obvious though, didn't I?"

Zayn chuckled. "Kind of but I didn't want to embarrass you. I just wanted to hear you say it. The truth is, i'm kind of nervous about getting into another relationship. It's been awhile since Perrie but i'm just still hesitant about it."

"You know, we don't have to jump into this. We can ease into it." Liam suggested, intertwining his fingers with Zayn's. "I don't want to push you into this if you're not ready but I also want you to know i'm sure about this. There's no one else I want."

Zayn was scared. That much was sure. It was entirely possible that they could get a week into this and Liam could realize this definitely wasn't what he wanted at all. Truth be told, he couldn't handle that. He was falling way too hard and it would be so difficult should it end up badly. Words could be so deceiving but his brain was arguing with him, saying that Liam seemed so sincere. It was hard for him to believe that Liam could be entirely happy just experiencing this different side to him with the first guy he liked.

Of course, Liam wasn't like most people. Unlike the rest of them, he never once hooked up with girls, he rarely drank, he didn't do drugs, and didn't smoke all that much anymore. So it shouldn't have been a huge surprise to him that Liam wasn't going to test out the waters of his newfound sexuality. Liam was a committed soul and that was one of the best things about him.

"Okay." Zayn said, smiling, bringing Liam's hand up to brush his lips against the knuckles. "Maybe not a full fledged couple right away but eventually."

Liam flushed at the moment of tenderness. He was so in over his head. "I'm definitely okay with that."

\-----------------

Little did they know Louis was eavesdropping. He had meant it when he said he would find out exactly what was going on. Zayn hadn't really provided much information when he'd asked about it. He was glad Zayn was opening up to the possibility of a relationship. He thought his mate was hard pressed to hook up with randoms for the rest of his life. Someone like Liam would be good for Zayn.

He knew how hard it was for Zayn to open up to the idea of a relationship after what had happened with Perrie. Louis was fondly proud of him. He was proud of both of them for giving things a chance with the people they were interested in, honestly. It was about time they had the chance to do what made them happy and pursue the love lives they wanted. Something told him they were going to have to answer to management about it all at some point but Louis didn't care.

Harry was the happiest Louis had seen him in weeks and if it was because they were finally together, it made all the shit they were going to have to face in the future worth it. Louis would protect him from it all if it made Harry feel better. There was only one thing he could think though after he left the two boys on the couch alone, even if they didn't know he was present and as he crawled back into bed with Harry.

Things were definitely starting to look up for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So lots of relationship progressions here. :)
> 
> I felt like I was dragging it on, they all deserve happy times. <3
> 
> But there will be drama coming for Larry. You'll just have to stay tuned. ;)
> 
> Don't be afraid to comment and tell me what you think! I enjoy reading them.


End file.
